The Twelve Fallacies of Christmas

‘Tis the season to be jolly, to suffer a minor disagreement, and finally to argue. But beware — there are many types of fallacy that might detract from your otherwise shatterproof reasoning. Here are twelve, set to the tune of, sort of, The Twelve Days of Christmas.

The prime minister said 12 drummers drum, so 12 drummers must be drumming.

I can’t imagine 11 pipers piping, so it can’t be.

You say there are 50 lords a-leaping. He says there’s just 2. It must be that there are 10.

9 ladies are dancing. Therefore, 9 ladies are dancing.

I go to church and lead a chaste life. So which of us is more qualified to talk about 8 maids a-milking, hmm?

Oi. These 7 swans are swimming, all right? Otherwise, you’re getting it.

There’s no evidence these 6 geese aren’t laying.

5 gold rings. 5 gold rings. 5 gold rings. 5 gold rings. 5 gold rings. 5 gold rings. 5 gold rings. 5 gold rings. 5 gold rings. 5 gold rings. 5 gold rings. 5 gold rings. 5 gold rings. 5 gold rings. 5 gold rings. 5 gold rings. 5 gold rings. 5 gold rings. 5 gold rings. 5 gold rings. 5 gold rings. 5 gold rings. 5 gold rings. 5 gold rings. 5 gold rings. 5 gold rings. 5 gold rings okay, okay, enough. 5 gold rings. We won’t argue about it any more.

4 calling birds? Well Christmas day is 25 December, and it’s 25 December today, so it must be Christmas day.

Some hens are French. Therefore, these 3 hens are French.

Definitely 2 turtle doves. But let’s talk about herrings. Specifically, how many herrings there are in that river, another pertinent question we should discuss at length.

And a partridge in a pear tree. Probably.

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